just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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