I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
