new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
