Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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