im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
