She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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