Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
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We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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