Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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