i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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