in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
