Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Someone signed my nipple.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
