He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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