Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
