Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
