Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
