whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
