I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
