I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
