closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My bed smells like the plague
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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