Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
