It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
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no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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