The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
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I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How does one acquire holy water?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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