Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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