Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
