Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
