Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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