i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
