so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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