so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
