her vagine was all disorganized.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
