I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
its liver damage thursday
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
