I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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