i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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