It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Damn victory sex feels great
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