It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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