Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
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I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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