she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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