Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
