Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
