So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
