no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
