why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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