I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
