how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
