don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
