hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
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Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
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So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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