Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
