Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
