just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
