I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
