I must be too annoying 4 u.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
