i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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