Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
