just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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