When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
