i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
