it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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