I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
