he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
