the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
