she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
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It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize