As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
