I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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