i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
