Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
