Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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