My pussy is not your playground.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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