He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i've created a new STD.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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