New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
