9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Im part way to drunk.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
