that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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