FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
