oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
