hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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