Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
